If you’re anything like me, you have grown up a chronic people-pleaser. It’s natural to desire the approval of others in your community.  However, many times it just keeps you small and in a hypnotic rhythm of doing shit you hate to do for people you don’t really care too much about.

One of the most powerful tools my amazing mentor, Katie Boyd, taught me is this:

If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no!


Really think about that for a minute.  When someone asks you to do something and you think “hmm… maybe that will be fun” then it’s a hell no.  If you even have to think about it and weigh options, then it probably isn’t something you REALLY want to be doing.

I was asked recently to go on a vacation with some girls.  I am a total homebody and love being with my husband, daughter and dog.  When I was originally asked I was craving some girl time and sunshine after being stuck inside with my baby all winter. I started thinking “wow, that would be fun.” Then I really thought about it. Being away from my family and dealing with my friends (and therefore me) being hot messes.  No, thank you!  That is a HELL NO for me, dawg.  In the back of my head, I was still trying to convince myself that maybe it will be fun.  Maybe they’ll just want to relax instead of going out partying.  Maybe it’ll be the break I was craving. But I knew it wouldn’t be so I said no. And I am so happy I did.

What is something you’re doing right now in your every day life that isn’t a hell yes?  If you don’t want to scream HELL YES I LOVE DOING THIS, then maybe you should reconsider what you’re doing.

That leads me to a second tool my mentor, Katie Boyd, taught me.


When you tell someone no, you do not need to apologize or explain yourself after.  Just say no.  

“All those years I said yes when I wanted to say (or should have said) no slowly chipped away at the very core of my being.  I now refuse to please others at the expense of my emotional wellbeing, even if it means saying no to people who are used to hearing the word yes.” – Katie Boyd, Ambitchious